As the 72 people who follow this blog may or may not have noticed, I haven't posted a new entry since last August.
When someone hasn't updated their blog for a while, they usually start with a post announcing they're still around. I didn't want to do that. I've mentioned previously that my experience as a crossdresser seems to be so typical, I sometimes feel like I'm a bit of a cliche. I didn't want to act like one again in a totally expected way. However, the longer I went without posting, the more I thought it would be difficult not to acknowledge it.
So, I'm still around.
Like committing a crime, two important aspects to maintaining a blog entry are motive and opportunity. When I've had something I wanted to write, I didn't have the time; when I had time, I didn't feel like writing something.
Not much has changed. I'm married to an amazing wonderful woman who hates that I want to express myself as Linda and that I'd love to be with other people like myself occasionally. I haven't been out in forever. I miss seeing other girls.
I still struggle with getting older. The guy side of me doesn't mind too much (except for the usual middle age aches and pains), but my vision of myself as a woman is as someone who's young, beautiful and stylish. Not that I could ever really pull that off, but the best I can do these days is heavy set, slightly dowdy grandmother. I still enjoy dressing but I would love to be able to see someone prettier when I look in the mirror.
Despite my not posting, I've been following other blogs. I read Stana's and Meg's blogs every day. There are others I enjoy, too. I also want to mention how much I enjoy the comments that Pat Scalesman leaves on others' sites. Although Pat has never felt the need to create blog entries, Pat's comments are always well written, wise and kind (and often funny).
So now that I've gotten the"I'm back" post out of the way, I may go back to posting the occasional update. I like having a place for my random thoughts and I appreciate it when a reader acknowledges something I've written and adds a comment.
You're no cliche, you are merely representative, and that's good in and of itself. I know what you mean though, it is difficult sometimes to say something in a way that one hasn't already read elsewhere or that one assumes is nothing new.
ReplyDeleteSee, even my comments are simply representative. Glad you're still around!
Linda Marie,
ReplyDeleteIt is so nice to see you posting again. I have seen your occasional comment on some of the blogs that we both follow.
I find that following the blogs and adding my comments to be a calming and affirming activity. So far I have not gotten bored reading of others who are similarly situated who are simply looking to blend a little fem side into an otherwise drab guy experience.
I share many of your views on where we are as older CD. As I guy I can handle the gray hair, saddle bags around my waist, sagging jowls and coin purses under my eyes. None of these features play well into my dressing life. I do try to dress and get out as often as possible. I long ago realized that you "cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" so I just do the best that I can recognizing that at 6'1" and 240 lbs under the best of circumstances I present as someone showing up as a large, neatly dressed older woman. I just do what I can to let my smile light my path.
Since I know that I am not likely to pass I try to blend. I have been going to a local LGBT bar where most of the regulars know 'Pat' when I come in. Last night they had karaoke. I wore a plum sheath dress with blush pantyhose and brown pumps. I sang/croaked Johnny Cash's "A boy named Sue", Wilson Pickett's "Mustang Sally" and Neil Diamond's "America". I had my two beers and said my good night's. One benefit of being a large guy in a dress is that I do not even try to feminize my voice. I am the same person sitting on a bar stool, just with prettier legs. I mentioned to one of the young ladies at the bar she had these great looking leopard pumps. She complimented me on my brown pumps. Next time I wear that dress I have a pair of leopard look pumps that I will try out. They are cute as hell but hurt the dogs.
Welcome back. Do not be a stranger.
Pat
Welcome back, Linda. It is possible to be attractive and stylish at our age. I recommend you go to Flickr and take a look at these two ladies:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/30517065@N00/ (Laurette Victoria)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30935295@N05/ (Amanda MJ)
I'd include myself in the list, but these two pull it off much better than I do.
Dani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAat-T1uhE&feature=player_embedded
ReplyDeleteSays it all really...
Delete