No Big Deal

My daughter started high school last month.  

The other night she told my wife and me that there's a transgender girl in her homeroom.  During the summer orientation session, this student attended as "Gabe" and now identifies as "Heather."

I was fascinated by this.  She told us about Heather in a very matter of fact way. 

I asked if people were nice to Heather.  Our daughter said her homeroom is fairly large and she doesn't know Heather very well but it seemed like people were nice to her. 

I don't think she wanted to talk about Heather too much because 1) my daughter is 14 and doesn't want to talk to us about anything too much (except, of course, when she really, really wants to talk to us - often at about 10 PM on a Tuesday night) 2) she and her group are very aware of treating people as people and it would be incredibly uncool for someone to tease or make fun of someone who's transgender.

My daughter and I were in the car the next day.  I told her I thought it was great that people were nice to Heather because life is often difficult for transgender kids.  She said it was no big deal.

I hope people really are nice to Heather and respect her for who she is and that things are changing.

Trans, um, something

I have a rare opportunity for some Linda time today.

I'm wearing jeans, a really pretty sleeveless purple blouse with ruffles and red high heels.    It's the kind of outfit a young woman in her 20s or 30s might wear if she were meeting friends for dinner or drinks.  It's fun to see my red pumps peeking out from the hem of my jeans.  I feel great.

I'm also feeling a little jealous because I know if people saw me, they would think I look ridiculous.  I'm 60, I'm chubby, I don't have cute feminine features, and even if I shave closely and slather on the foundation, my 5 o'clock shadow comes out quickly.  I'm wearing an outfit that a "mature" (dowdy) crossdresser of a certain age should not wear to blend in if she were leaving the house.

Of course, one of the consolations of being pretty much in the closet is that I can wear clothes that are wildly inappropriate for public adventures and pretend that the clothes I'm wearing are what I would be wearing if I were a 20something woman.

I admire those in our club who have come to terms with being mature ladies.  Stana is a lovely mature woman, who dresses appropriately for her age and looks wonderful.  She's beautiful and stylish.  If I were a 60 year old woman (even if I were a 50 year old woman), I'd love to look like Stana.

But I don't want to look like a 60 year old woman.  I want to be 26 and pretty and wear cute clothes.

So for now, I'll enjoy my time to dress cute and fantasize about what I would do if things were different.

Jacob's New Dress

While at the library yesterday, I came across Jacob's New Dress, a cute picture story for preschool to early primary school kids.  It's about Jacob, a boy who likes to wear dresses.  Except for one friend who insists that "boys don't wear dresses" everyone else in the story, including mom, dad and teacher, is understanding and supportive.  Of course, the story is simple and optimistic but it's also very sweet.  It's a "message book" but very well done.

Amazon's description: Jacob loves playing dress-up, when he can be anything he wants to be. Some kids at school say he can't wear "girl" clothes, but Jacob wants to wear a dress to school. Can he convince his parents to let him wear what he wants? This heartwarming story speaks to the unique challenges faced by boys who don't identify with traditional gender roles.

I loved reading the reader reviews on Amazon, too.

CASA VALENTINA Opens on Broadway Tonight

CASA VALENTINA, the new Harvey Fierstein musical based on Casa Susanna, the 60s Catskills resort and oasis for crossdressers, opens on Broadway tonight.

The show features an amazing cast including

• Drama Desk Award winner Reed Birney (Taking Care of Baby at MTC, Blasted)
• Tony Award winner John Cullum (The Scottsboro Boys, "ER", "Northern Exposure")
• Tony Award winner Gabriel Ebert (Matilda, 4000 Miles)
• Obie Award winner Lisa Emery (Lonely, I'm Not; Iron at MTC)
• Tony Award nominee Tom McGowan (Wicked, "Everybody Loves Raymond", Kenny from "Frasier")
• Drama Desk Award nominee Patrick Page (Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, Cyrano de Bergerac)
• Larry Pine (The Royal Family, "House of Cards")
• Drama Desk Award winner Nick Westrate (Loot, Tribes)
• Emmy Award winner and Oscar nominee Mare Winningham (Picnic, "Hatfields & McCoys")

Stana has posted several articles about Casa Valentina (including a great post yesterday) and Casa Susanna.   Wonderful stuff from Stana, as always.

I also found an excellent New York Times article about the play.  Excerpt:

Boas, corsets and high heels are fun, familiar staples of theater. But “Casa Valentina” is about a subculture rarely seen onstage — cross-dressers — and mixes masculinity and femininity in ways that daunted the actors at first, and may do the same to audiences. The play, now in previews, is based on a real Catskills resort where husbands and fathers went in the 1960s to dress and act as women. These were white-collar professionals hobbling in heels, not drag queens sashaying in stilettos; men expressing their femininity without compromising their maleness.


I'm excited to hear about reactions to the play.  Even with the Fierstein's track record, a great cast and what sounds like a top-notch production in every way, there are so many ways for this to go wrong.  I hope they get it right.

I Want Her Outfit

I've been browsing through fashion blogs.  Not the professional ones with impossibly thin models wearing outlandish runway fashions, but the amateur and semi-professional blogs where women show off their every day style and post pictures of other women looking great in outfits that you could see on real people.

That's how I stumbled on to  I Want Her Outfit.   I love most of the posts on this site (although there is a post of a woman wearing pajamas and a headscarf on the street that mystifies me - I know how to look dowdy - I don't need help there - maybe it's a joke, but I don't get it).  I would love to wear those clothes and, of course, look even half as pretty as the women in the pictures.

Although I Want Her Outfit hasn't been updated since last May and only has four months of updates, there are enough fun posts to make a visit worthwhile.

Maybe my favorite thing about I Want Her Outfit is the logo.

I'd love to look and dress like one of the women pictured, at least for a little while.  How amazing to be so pretty.

Brian and Debbie McCloskey

This week LA Weekly published a profile titled Brian and Debbie McCloskey: He Wears a Dress. She's Fine With That

It's a great story about two people who are very much in love with each other.

I've been Facebook friends with Brian for over a year.  He's smart, funny and crazy about Debbie.  I always enjoy seeing a new post from him.  It was so nice to see this warm, respectful article about this very special couple.

Pink Heels

This has been an unusually cold, snowy winter in Chicago.  Winter here is often difficult, but this one has been especially challenging.

Chicago winters are gray.  Trees are bare, snow turns from white to gray quickly, days are short and often cloudy.  Many of us dress in gray and black.

When I travel to warmer places during the winter, one of the first things that strikes me is that there are places where there's color in February, red flowers and green trees.

Yesterday, one of the young women in my office wore pink high heels.  The rest of her outfit was very professional, black pants, white blouse, dark blazer, but the pink heels were unexpected and wonderful.  I think it was her way of having fun and reminding herself that spring (and the return of color) is coming.  I was grateful for her reminder and a little jealous, too.

Incident On An Elevator

I was riding down on an elevator with several other people yesterday.  The door opened on 4.  A really pretty woman in her late 20s got on and pressed 3.  She looked great in dress slacks, blazer and classic black pumps.

"I'm a little embarrassed because you're seeing that I'm only going down one floor.  But, the stairway is so loud when you're wearing heels.  You guys wouldn't understand."

At least one of us did.

Diane von Furstenberg Renna Wool & Silk Dress

I love this dress.

If you look at the bottom of the picture, you'll see a little "play video" indicator.  The dress is so pretty. I love the way it looks and moves in the little video.  The model in the video has great classic pumps and a perfect little clutch.  It's a great look.

The page shows the usual kinds of information about the dress.

There's also a section called Size & Fit.  That section says
Model shown is 5'10" (177cm) wearing US size 4.

So, I guess that's good to know, but a part of me wonders how many women are 5'10" and wear size 4.  In the back of my mind, I also wondered if including the model's size info is a subtle way of saying "it's a gorgeous dress but, nyah, nyah, it will never look that good on you."

Bradley Manning

Bradley Manning is a member of the US Army.  He was recently convicted of several violations of the Espionage Act for passing classified information to WikiLeaks.

Testimony during his sentencing hearing revealed that Manning is transgender.. 

From an article on The Atlantic Wire website


In an April 24, 2010 email to his supervisor at the time, Master Sgt. Paul Adkins, Manning confessed he was transgender, and that he joined the Army, basically, to "get rid of it."  The subject line was "My Problem." The email said,

This is my problem. I’ve had signs of it for a very long time. It’s caused problems within my family. I thought a career in the military would get rid of it. It’s not something I seek out for attention, and I’ve been trying very, very hard to get rid of it by placing myself in situations where it would be impossible. But, it’s not going away; it’s haunting me more and more as I get older. Now, the consequences of it are dire, at a time when it’s causing me great pain it itself…
I don't know what to do anymore, and the only "help" that seems available is severe punishment and/or getting rid of me.

I thought the author of the article did a good job of summarizing the recent revelations about Manning. Whatever I might think about Manning's actions, I sympathize with the statements in his e-mail.  He wouldn't be the first person who tried to "fix" his gender identity issues by going into the military.

I'm interested to see what public reaction will be.  Most coverage I've seen so far has been pretty low-key (although I have seen headlines like "Bradley Manning: Blond bombshell? Army releases photo of him as cross-dresser").

I am concerned that casual observers may conclude from Manning's story that all those who find themselves outside  "normal" gender boundaries are inherently unstable,   I hope that's not the case.


 

Hannah's Blog

I recently began following Hannah's blog.

Hannah is a married crossdresser with a supportive wife.  Hannah's smart and upbeat writing is accompanied by her charming drawings.  Definitely worth following.

Motive and Opportunity

As the 72 people who follow this blog may or may not have noticed, I haven't posted a new entry since last August.

When someone hasn't updated their blog for a while, they usually start with a post announcing they're still around.  I didn't want to do that.  I've mentioned previously that my experience as a crossdresser seems to be so typical, I sometimes feel like I'm a bit of a cliche.  I didn't want to act like one again in a totally expected way.  However, the longer I went without posting, the more I thought it would be difficult not to acknowledge it.

So, I'm still around.

Like committing a crime, two important aspects to maintaining a blog entry are motive and opportunity.   When I've had something I wanted to write, I didn't have the time;  when I had time, I didn't feel like writing something.

Not much has changed.  I'm married to an amazing wonderful woman who hates that I want to express myself as Linda and that I'd love to be with other people like myself occasionally.  I haven't been out in forever.  I miss seeing other girls.

I still struggle with getting older.  The guy side of me doesn't mind too much (except for the usual middle age aches and pains), but my vision of myself as a woman is as someone who's young, beautiful and stylish.  Not that I could ever really pull that off, but the best I can do these days is heavy set, slightly dowdy grandmother. I still enjoy dressing but I would love to be able to see someone prettier when I look in the mirror.

Despite my not posting, I've been following other blogs.  I read Stana's and Meg's blogs every day.  There are others I enjoy, too.  I also want to mention how much I enjoy the comments that Pat Scalesman leaves on others' sites.  Although Pat has never felt the need to create blog entries, Pat's comments are always well written, wise and kind (and often funny).

So now that I've gotten the"I'm back" post out of the way, I may go back to posting the occasional update.   I like having a place for my random thoughts and I appreciate it when a reader acknowledges something I've written and adds a comment.

A little Linda time today

My family was out for a few hours today and I had the house to myself for the first time in months.

I took the opportunity to don my cute little lacy dress and gold sparkly platform pumps.  Felt so good to be dressed (it's probably been a few weeks but seems like forever).  I shaved my legs yesterday and they looked so cute in my dress and heels.

Now this is definitely not a daytime outfit but I don't know when I'll have a chance to wear it at night.  So, I put on a dark t-shirt and shorts over my dress, put my heels in a little bag and walked over to the car.  After a few blocks, I pulled over, took my t-shirt and shorts off and put my heels back on.  Heaven.

I drove around for a little while.  In this outfit and without makeup, there was no way I was going to go anywhere where people could really see me.  Still, I had an urge to get out of the car and go for a walk (partially because it's fun to walk outside and partially because I wanted to see how well I could walk in these 5 inch plus heels).

I found a deserted parking lot with large dark windows.  I got out and walked a bit.  I could see myself reflected in the windows and between the windows poor reflection and my own ability to self-delude, I thought I looked ok.  20 pounds lighter and some shapewear would have made things even better, but I still enjoyed myself.

Wish I could go out tonight in this outfit to one of the t-friendly places in the area (there are now 2 about 5 miles from my house).  Unfortunately, everyone will be back soon so I won't be going out.  It's been a while since I've been out with other girls.  I miss it.

By the way, I did ok with the heels.

Girl Talk

As I was trying to get some work done today, I heard the director I report to talking with another woman on our extended team.

I like our director a lot.  She's very bright, friendly and easy to talk with.  She's only been with our group for a little over 5 weeks and has had to learn a lot about this new area.  She picks things up quickly and consistently has good suggestions for how to improve work product.

I also love the way she dresses.  She's in her late forties and dresses just right for the business casual atmosphere at the office.  Women in management positions have to dress a little nicer than casual in a business casual environment and she hits the look just right.  She usually wears dresses or skirts but her outfits are bright and fun.  She dresses appropriately for her age and position but she seems to have fun with her outfits.  She's in good shape and her outfits highlight that she is but never in an obvious way.

The woman our director was talking to is a very smart and nice woman but someone who I think I would be more like if I were a woman.  A little shy, a tiny bit awkward (not horribly so, just not smooth), a very sweet and smart woman engineer.  She wears mostly skirts and suits and pumps.  Very much the way I would dress.

Today our director is wearing a floral dress that comes to just above her knees,  She's wearing a cream colored blouse and wedge slingbacks in a kind of taupe / lightened coffee color.  She looks just great.

She was complimenting the engineer on her cute shoes, admiring how nice they looked and remarking how the heel wasn't too high so they would be comfortable.

They talked a little bit more about their respective outfits.  I wish I could have joined them.  As a guy, I pretty much have to pretend to be clueless about what women are wearing.  I would love to join in and be able to tell them how nice they look and say how much I admire a certain outfit or accessory.

Instead, I wind up talking about the weather or the White Sox (who are having a surprisingly not awful season, by the way).

I really like being a guy most of the time but it would be nice to live more comfortably in my two worlds.

New Dress

Bought a cute new dress today at Kohl's.  I was very impressed with their selection.  There were loads of cute dresses.  Many of the cutest dresses were for younger girls but there were plenty in every style.

This lace dress is probably designed for someone much younger than me, but I just like it so much.

Of course, I don't look anywhere near as good as the model, but it's such a lovely dress.  The lace is so soft and feminine.  I really like the way I look in it.  I'd like it even better if I lost a few pounds, but that's a goal for another day.

It probably seems silly for me to blog about buying new shoes and a new dress, but it's been a long time since I've bought shoes or dresses.  It's such fun bringing my purchases home and seeing how they look.  This dress works really well with the gold shoes I bought yesterday.  I just need an excuse (and opportunity) to meet up with other girls for a nice dinner and a few drinks.

I love this look

I love the way this girl looks. 

All the pieces of her outfit work together so well and it's just such a fun look.

Today was one of those days --- from Thrill of the Heel

New Shoes!

I love shoes, especially high heels and it's been a long time since I treated myself to a new pair.

I went to Payless the other day.  It was fun just to see what they had in stock in my size.  One of the great things about Payless is that most stores have a good selection in larger sizes (I take an 11).

I found several shoes I really liked but decided not to buy them.  I already have plenty of shoes and don't have many chances to wear them.  I liked the shoes but buying them just didn't make sense.

The next day, I found myself wishing that I had bought the shoes.  I didn't need the shoes, but I did want them.

So, back to the store again.  Found the two pairs I had seen the day before.  I just scooped them up.

When I went to pay, the sales associate commented that the shoes were very nice and said she thought the color of one pair was really cute.

Couldn't wait to get home and try them on.  I love the way they look and feel.  Here are pictures of my new heels.

If I were a woman in my 50s, I most likely would not have bought these shoes.  They're silly, not practical, not suitable for a woman of my age...

However, one of the consolations of being a crossdresser is I get to buy and wear cute, impractical shoes like these.  Now, if I can just find some time to wear them with some cute outfits...

Tumblr Links

I already spend too much time on-line but I've found a few tumblr links that I like.  Instead of joining tumblr, I'm going to put some links here.  I suspect I'll wind up joining tumblr at some point, but this is my weak attempt at showing some restraint.

Clusters and Constellations  ok this isn't even a tumblr link but I liked it so here it is

I'm a PFLAG mom

Miles Tasteful TG Caps

Ashley Kate's Tumblr  so many cute girls in gorgeous outfits

Crossdreamed

Boy Princess

Hipster Teen

Joanna's TG Captions

Modern Goddess

I Was A Teen-age Be-All Stalker

I wasn’t really a stalker.  As for teen-age, that ship sailed a long time ago.  I did stop by Be-All for a brief time yesterday

Be-All is a transgender conference held in the spring just outside Chicago.  More information at http://be-all.org/

I’ve never officially gone to Be-All but I have visited.  A few times during the past few years, I’ve taken a long lunch, changed in the car and just walked around the hotel.  I love going out but between my home situation and the sad fact that I’m not passable in the least, I never have a chance to be out as Linda.  During the previous years, I did visit, it felt so great to be dressed and walking around a nice hotel.  In the day time and knowing that it was perfectly fine.  Staff at the hotels where Be-All has been held have always been very nice.

Be-All usually has a vendor area.  One year, I spent about an hour visiting various vendors.  The IslandGirls, a wonderful Chicago TG group which has since disbanded, had a booth that year.  I spent about 20 minutes chatting with the girls there.  It was so nice.  When I left, the girls gave me a hug.

Between time commitments and my wife’s very strong disapproval to my going out as Linda, going to Be-All as an official attendee is out of the question.  We currently have a kind of uneasy truce and as nice as it would be to attend Be-All, I don’t want to roil our currently somewhat peaceful waters.

This year, Be-All is taking place at the Downers Grove Doubletree, a hotel and convention center about 10 minutes away from where I’m working.  Although it’s nice to know that a conference like this is taking place and other people like me are visiting with each other and enjoying each other’s company, it’s also very frustrating that this conference is going on nearby and I can’t attend.

Because work has been very busy, I wasn’t able to work in a long lunch this week and had resigned myself to not even stopping by.  However, I was able to take an hour yesterday and decided I’d stop by, even though I’d be in my regular guy business casual clothes.

As I arrived at the hotel, girls were lining up to go into a large conference room for lunch.  One of the cool things about Be-All, at least for me, is that the people who attend run the gamut in attractiveness and “passability.”  I’ve attended a few TG gatherings where I’ve been intimidated by how good the girls look.  While Be-All attendees generally dress nicely (there’s a general rule against “bearded men in dresses”), there are many attendees who look like me – a little older, not as slim as they used to be and with facial features that aren’t very feminine.  And they still looked great to me.  Just stopping in and seeing these girls helped me remember that there’s a large community out there that I’m a part of.  That felt good.

So I mostly just walked around a little, tried not to look creepy or stalkerish, trying to look like I was going to a meeting at the hotel or lunch.  I didn’t want to start up a conversation with any of the girls.  What would I say?  For some of the girls, this was probably a very special time out with others like themselves.  I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and didn’t want to come off like…well, I don’t know, but I was happy knowing the girls were enjoying being out and didn’t want to spoil anything.

So, I guess I was a little bit of a stalker.  Didn’t mean to be, but I wanted to be there but didn’t know how to be there.  Does that make any sense?

I left after only about 15 minutes.  Maybe some day, I’ll be able to attend Be-All as Linda

What Happens When a Quiverfull Dad Becomes a Woman?

Interesting story at Jezebel http://jezebel.com/5905780/what-happens-when-a-quiverfull-dad-becomes-a-woman

Even better, the Jezebel posts links to the blog of a young woman whose husband transitions.  I haven't read her whole story, but what I've read so far is a wonderful story of discovery, love and acceptance.  I'm sorry that they didn't find more acceptance in their community and among other Christians, but I hope they find it in their new community.  Here's a link to the first part of their story (first of nine parts).  Unwrapping the Onion