Magic Pills

I was browsing the forum at crossdressers.com a week or so ago and came across another "magic pill" post. 

These posts ask whether you would take one of two types of magic pills.

Would you take a magic pill that would completely transform you permanently into a woman?

Would you take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress?

I wouldn't want to be a woman permanently.  I enjoy being a man, at least sometimes.  It's also easier at some level.  Now I (and I suspect many crossdressers) would love to have a pill that would allow you to become a woman for 24 hours or a set of pills that would allow you to cross back and forth  It would also help if this pill made you younger, prettier and helped you lose 30 pounds.  Hey, if we're talking imaginary pills, why not have some really great imaginary pills?

My wife has told me that one of the things she hates about my crossdressing is that I have a completely unrealistic view of what being a woman is like.  She says I believe that a woman's life is all pretty clothes and fun. 

I don't know if she really believes that I feel this way.  Crossdressing is such a big issue for us that I believe she looks for reasons why she doesn't like it.

It's true that when I dress, I want to look as nice as I can.  I want to wear pretty dresses and shoes.  I want the experience to be special and want to do things that are fun and exciting or relaxing.

That doesn't mean that I don't know that much of most woman's life consists of routine tasks and the usual stresses that are in anyone's life.  However, one of the things I love about crossdressing is the feeling it gives me of being out of myself, at least for a little while.  I think people enjoy experiences that take them out of their routine (science fiction, romances, a good bottle of wine).  Dressing gives me an escape for a little while. 

If I had to dress / be a woman for an extended period, I know I would tire of it.  Knowing that I can be a woman for a little while and then go back to being regular me gives me a feeling of control.

I'm not explaining this well.  I know someone like Meg at Call Me Meg or Stana at Femulate would do a better job (if they even share this feeling). 

Of course, like most other crossdressers, although I can go "back and forth" I don't have the opportunities and time to be Linda nearly as much as I'd like.

The other "magic pill" question is:  if you could take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress, would you take it?

Reading various forums and blogs over the years, it seems that peoples' answers to this question have been changing.  Some years ago, it seems like most of us would say they would take the pill.  It would make life easier and reduce so many problems, especially with wives and significant others. 

More recently, it seems like more people say they wouldn't take the pill.  They accept and enjoy who they are.  Even if crossdressing presents problems, these respondents say that they wouldn't give up all that dressing up gives them.

For me, I would take the pill.  I think.  Maybe.

Especially when I was growing up, I felt so much guilt about dressing.  I felt isolated and different and knew there was a part of me I could never share with anyone else. 

The relationship between my wife and me would certainly be easier if I didn't feel the need to be Linda from time to time.

So I would take the pill.

Or.

Maybe I wouldn't.

The rational part of me (which usually dominates my thoughts and actions) says that if I didn't need to crossdress, life would be easier.  I would have more time for other things.  I wouldn't feel like I was hiding a part of myself.

But dressing has also given me this way to escape and be someone different for a while.  It gives me permission to try to look pretty (I've never felt comfortable as a man about trying too hard to look good - silly, I know) and to buy things just for myself.

So I don't know about magic pill #2. 

I think my answers (or non-answers) to the magic pill questions are at the heart of what it means to be a crossdresser, at least for me.  I want it both ways.  I want to be a guy but I want to be a beautiful woman, at least sometimes.  I don't want the pain and problems that come with wanting to dress and be a woman but I love the special feelings that dressing up give me.

Dress to Impress

Last year, one of the episodes of the BBC series "Moving On" told the story of a young crossdresser.  The episode was called "Dress to Impress."   It was a very sympathetic portrait of the young man. 

The whole episode was formerly available on youtube and the bbc website, but now all you can get (for free) are clips.  You can buy the episode for 1.99 at Amazon.

Here are two clips that are up on youtube.


Dress to Impress - short clip

Dress to Impress - longer clip

Busy

It's so difficult to find "Linda time."

Between working and family, there's very little time that I have to myself.  I like to spend time with my wife and kids but I just wish there was more time I could spend as Linda.

Of course, everyone is busy.  When we read about someone's adventures out and about, it often seems like it's something they can do every day when really it's probably something they're able to do less than once a month or less special time.

It's a bit easier when you don't have children.  Before children, my wife would be out on her own more and I 'd have a few more opportunities to dress.  Now, I'm seldom at home by myself (I can't remember the last time).  I miss just having time by myself, much less having time to dress.

Another great post at Femulate

Stana hosts a blog called Femulate It's a wonderful blog. Stana is smart and witty and her posts are such fun to read..  She also posts several pictures most days "Femulate Her" (a lovely genetic woman in a beautiful outfit) and "The Femulated" (a lovely tg girl). 

Yesterday's entry included observations from an outreach that Stana did.  It's worth reading the whole entry but here's the part that struck me:


"Someone in each class also asked me if I presented as a women because I was just interested in all the trappings of being female or was it something more than that, something internal. I explained that it was more than just the trappings of being female. I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about. "


Many of us talk about there being a "tg continuum"  I have no doubt that there are many transsexuals who do feel trapped in the body of the wrong gender.  However, that's not the case for many of us.  Something is different and it's difficult to express.  I thought Stana's explanation about being "trapped in expectations" was one of the best ways I've ever heard it expressed.


Thanks, Stana.

It's The Dress

It's the dress is a fun little blog about the the notion of the “hermeneutic of suspicion” used to describe the range of theoretical positions adopted by Marx, Nietzsche, Freud and their intellectual offspring.

Well, it's mostly about cute cocktail dresses, casual dresses and everything in between but I could have sworn one of the articles last month had a quote about Marx saying he didn't like the bare legged look on women over 40 wearing short dresses.  .

Dresses

Just some dresses I like

I love the dress Kate Middleton wore when she and William announced their engagement. 

Blogs and spending time online

I started this blog so I'd have a place for links to TG caption blogs.  I know, very ambitious.

What's happened since I started is that I'm now following many other blogs.  They're almost all TG themed but most are not caption blogs.

One of the amazing things about the Internet (other than being able to use IMDB to check who that actress was in the movie you saw the other night) has been the confirmation that there are so many other people like me out there.  People like me being those somewhere on the big, long TG continuum.

I identify as a heterosexual crossdresser.  I've never had an experience with a man and don't expect to.  However, there's something compelling about the idea of being an attractive woman, a woman that men would look at.  I'd love to meet other crossdressers like myself, for friendship, not for anything sexual.

Over the years, I've had a chance to meet several other TG girls.  It's a funny dance when we start corresponding.  The other girl and I are usually very clear that we're looking to meet in a friendly way and not for "something more."  However, we don't want to offend the other girl by implying there's anything wrong with something more, it's just not what we're looking for. 


It's been wonderful meeting people online (and, once in a while, in person).  Growing up, I thought I was the only person like this.  Later on, like many in my age group (I'm in my late 50s), I got most of my information from a few reference books hidden deeply in libraries or TG porn.  I found those stories exciting but I didn't really identify with the people who had the wild adventures described.  I wanted to look pretty and have people think I was pretty and a nice girl.

This entry has turned out to be a big ramble.  I admire people who edit their blog entries before they post them but I'm just going to spill on this one.

Here's the thing:  I love reading about the other girls out there, from those who have completely transitioned and live every day as women to those who crossdress very occasionally.  I feel part of a bigger community.  I'd love to meet and talk with you.  I'd love to be able to show myself instead of staying hidden.

The down side of how great the Net can be is that I know I'm susceptible to getting really sucked in.  I have a job and a family and they require most of my time and attention.  I'm jealous of girls who have retired.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to voluntarily retire and it's just hard to deal with.  I would just love to have more time for my family and for myself.  It's so difficult to find Linda time.

As I've gotten older, I feel more and more like time is running out.   I wish I could be a pretty woman, at least once in a while.  Not that I was ever a great looking woman but in my 20s, I was a least somewhat passable.  I suppose in my 60s and 70s I'll be passable again, but as a little old lady.  I'd rather be passable as a 25 year old.

I don't have a point today.  Just blathering on.  Feeling jealous of those who can explore this other side of themselves.  Wishing I could lay down some of my responsibilities, at least for a while.