A little Linda time today

My family was out for a few hours today and I had the house to myself for the first time in months.

I took the opportunity to don my cute little lacy dress and gold sparkly platform pumps.  Felt so good to be dressed (it's probably been a few weeks but seems like forever).  I shaved my legs yesterday and they looked so cute in my dress and heels.

Now this is definitely not a daytime outfit but I don't know when I'll have a chance to wear it at night.  So, I put on a dark t-shirt and shorts over my dress, put my heels in a little bag and walked over to the car.  After a few blocks, I pulled over, took my t-shirt and shorts off and put my heels back on.  Heaven.

I drove around for a little while.  In this outfit and without makeup, there was no way I was going to go anywhere where people could really see me.  Still, I had an urge to get out of the car and go for a walk (partially because it's fun to walk outside and partially because I wanted to see how well I could walk in these 5 inch plus heels).

I found a deserted parking lot with large dark windows.  I got out and walked a bit.  I could see myself reflected in the windows and between the windows poor reflection and my own ability to self-delude, I thought I looked ok.  20 pounds lighter and some shapewear would have made things even better, but I still enjoyed myself.

Wish I could go out tonight in this outfit to one of the t-friendly places in the area (there are now 2 about 5 miles from my house).  Unfortunately, everyone will be back soon so I won't be going out.  It's been a while since I've been out with other girls.  I miss it.

By the way, I did ok with the heels.

Girl Talk

As I was trying to get some work done today, I heard the director I report to talking with another woman on our extended team.

I like our director a lot.  She's very bright, friendly and easy to talk with.  She's only been with our group for a little over 5 weeks and has had to learn a lot about this new area.  She picks things up quickly and consistently has good suggestions for how to improve work product.

I also love the way she dresses.  She's in her late forties and dresses just right for the business casual atmosphere at the office.  Women in management positions have to dress a little nicer than casual in a business casual environment and she hits the look just right.  She usually wears dresses or skirts but her outfits are bright and fun.  She dresses appropriately for her age and position but she seems to have fun with her outfits.  She's in good shape and her outfits highlight that she is but never in an obvious way.

The woman our director was talking to is a very smart and nice woman but someone who I think I would be more like if I were a woman.  A little shy, a tiny bit awkward (not horribly so, just not smooth), a very sweet and smart woman engineer.  She wears mostly skirts and suits and pumps.  Very much the way I would dress.

Today our director is wearing a floral dress that comes to just above her knees,  She's wearing a cream colored blouse and wedge slingbacks in a kind of taupe / lightened coffee color.  She looks just great.

She was complimenting the engineer on her cute shoes, admiring how nice they looked and remarking how the heel wasn't too high so they would be comfortable.

They talked a little bit more about their respective outfits.  I wish I could have joined them.  As a guy, I pretty much have to pretend to be clueless about what women are wearing.  I would love to join in and be able to tell them how nice they look and say how much I admire a certain outfit or accessory.

Instead, I wind up talking about the weather or the White Sox (who are having a surprisingly not awful season, by the way).

I really like being a guy most of the time but it would be nice to live more comfortably in my two worlds.

New Dress

Bought a cute new dress today at Kohl's.  I was very impressed with their selection.  There were loads of cute dresses.  Many of the cutest dresses were for younger girls but there were plenty in every style.

This lace dress is probably designed for someone much younger than me, but I just like it so much.

Of course, I don't look anywhere near as good as the model, but it's such a lovely dress.  The lace is so soft and feminine.  I really like the way I look in it.  I'd like it even better if I lost a few pounds, but that's a goal for another day.

It probably seems silly for me to blog about buying new shoes and a new dress, but it's been a long time since I've bought shoes or dresses.  It's such fun bringing my purchases home and seeing how they look.  This dress works really well with the gold shoes I bought yesterday.  I just need an excuse (and opportunity) to meet up with other girls for a nice dinner and a few drinks.

I love this look

I love the way this girl looks. 

All the pieces of her outfit work together so well and it's just such a fun look.

Today was one of those days --- from Thrill of the Heel

New Shoes!

I love shoes, especially high heels and it's been a long time since I treated myself to a new pair.

I went to Payless the other day.  It was fun just to see what they had in stock in my size.  One of the great things about Payless is that most stores have a good selection in larger sizes (I take an 11).

I found several shoes I really liked but decided not to buy them.  I already have plenty of shoes and don't have many chances to wear them.  I liked the shoes but buying them just didn't make sense.

The next day, I found myself wishing that I had bought the shoes.  I didn't need the shoes, but I did want them.

So, back to the store again.  Found the two pairs I had seen the day before.  I just scooped them up.

When I went to pay, the sales associate commented that the shoes were very nice and said she thought the color of one pair was really cute.

Couldn't wait to get home and try them on.  I love the way they look and feel.  Here are pictures of my new heels.

If I were a woman in my 50s, I most likely would not have bought these shoes.  They're silly, not practical, not suitable for a woman of my age...

However, one of the consolations of being a crossdresser is I get to buy and wear cute, impractical shoes like these.  Now, if I can just find some time to wear them with some cute outfits...

Tumblr Links

I already spend too much time on-line but I've found a few tumblr links that I like.  Instead of joining tumblr, I'm going to put some links here.  I suspect I'll wind up joining tumblr at some point, but this is my weak attempt at showing some restraint.

Clusters and Constellations  ok this isn't even a tumblr link but I liked it so here it is

I'm a PFLAG mom

Miles Tasteful TG Caps

Ashley Kate's Tumblr  so many cute girls in gorgeous outfits

Crossdreamed

Boy Princess

Hipster Teen

Joanna's TG Captions

Modern Goddess

I Was A Teen-age Be-All Stalker

I wasn’t really a stalker.  As for teen-age, that ship sailed a long time ago.  I did stop by Be-All for a brief time yesterday

Be-All is a transgender conference held in the spring just outside Chicago.  More information at http://be-all.org/

I’ve never officially gone to Be-All but I have visited.  A few times during the past few years, I’ve taken a long lunch, changed in the car and just walked around the hotel.  I love going out but between my home situation and the sad fact that I’m not passable in the least, I never have a chance to be out as Linda.  During the previous years, I did visit, it felt so great to be dressed and walking around a nice hotel.  In the day time and knowing that it was perfectly fine.  Staff at the hotels where Be-All has been held have always been very nice.

Be-All usually has a vendor area.  One year, I spent about an hour visiting various vendors.  The IslandGirls, a wonderful Chicago TG group which has since disbanded, had a booth that year.  I spent about 20 minutes chatting with the girls there.  It was so nice.  When I left, the girls gave me a hug.

Between time commitments and my wife’s very strong disapproval to my going out as Linda, going to Be-All as an official attendee is out of the question.  We currently have a kind of uneasy truce and as nice as it would be to attend Be-All, I don’t want to roil our currently somewhat peaceful waters.

This year, Be-All is taking place at the Downers Grove Doubletree, a hotel and convention center about 10 minutes away from where I’m working.  Although it’s nice to know that a conference like this is taking place and other people like me are visiting with each other and enjoying each other’s company, it’s also very frustrating that this conference is going on nearby and I can’t attend.

Because work has been very busy, I wasn’t able to work in a long lunch this week and had resigned myself to not even stopping by.  However, I was able to take an hour yesterday and decided I’d stop by, even though I’d be in my regular guy business casual clothes.

As I arrived at the hotel, girls were lining up to go into a large conference room for lunch.  One of the cool things about Be-All, at least for me, is that the people who attend run the gamut in attractiveness and “passability.”  I’ve attended a few TG gatherings where I’ve been intimidated by how good the girls look.  While Be-All attendees generally dress nicely (there’s a general rule against “bearded men in dresses”), there are many attendees who look like me – a little older, not as slim as they used to be and with facial features that aren’t very feminine.  And they still looked great to me.  Just stopping in and seeing these girls helped me remember that there’s a large community out there that I’m a part of.  That felt good.

So I mostly just walked around a little, tried not to look creepy or stalkerish, trying to look like I was going to a meeting at the hotel or lunch.  I didn’t want to start up a conversation with any of the girls.  What would I say?  For some of the girls, this was probably a very special time out with others like themselves.  I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and didn’t want to come off like…well, I don’t know, but I was happy knowing the girls were enjoying being out and didn’t want to spoil anything.

So, I guess I was a little bit of a stalker.  Didn’t mean to be, but I wanted to be there but didn’t know how to be there.  Does that make any sense?

I left after only about 15 minutes.  Maybe some day, I’ll be able to attend Be-All as Linda

What Happens When a Quiverfull Dad Becomes a Woman?

Interesting story at Jezebel http://jezebel.com/5905780/what-happens-when-a-quiverfull-dad-becomes-a-woman

Even better, the Jezebel posts links to the blog of a young woman whose husband transitions.  I haven't read her whole story, but what I've read so far is a wonderful story of discovery, love and acceptance.  I'm sorry that they didn't find more acceptance in their community and among other Christians, but I hope they find it in their new community.  Here's a link to the first part of their story (first of nine parts).  Unwrapping the Onion

Crabby

I know if I don't occasionally dress in something frilly, I get a little crabby.

I Wish I Had Been On This Team in High School

Acknowledgement to George Takei who posted this on Facebook.

Power, Confidence, and High-Heels

I loved the way this article from the Anthropology in Practice website started:

Cinderella got the prince and Dorothy was envied. Why? They donned fabulous shoes. What’s the deal with women’s relationship to their footwear?

Watch Me Walk Away

Click. Click. Click. Click.

With each measured step, my heels echoed with a finality that emphasized my leaving, which was important: I was angry and I wanted to be taken seriously. The sound of my three-inch heels striking the tiles spoke volumes—and did so much more eloquently than I would have been able to at the moment.

I had just had my first turn-on-your-heel-and-walk-away moment. A meeting with a senior vice president at a leading digital agency in New York City had gone horribly wrong: Her team had asked me to consult on a project they were considering, but within a few minutes it became clear that we would not be able to work together. She was rude to her staff and made two disparaging remarks about anthropologists. Annoyed, and believing that her behavior toward her staff spoke volumes about the sort of relationship we would have, I decided I had had enough. So I picked up my coat, turned on my heel, and walked out. It was empowering. It was a moment I’ll likely not forget soon. And it would not have been the same had I been wearing flats.
  
This part of the article reminds me of the kind of magic effect wearing a great pair of high heels can have.

The rest of the article is ok, a bit of a rehash of information many of us have read elsewhere, but I really like the opening.

Here's the link