Monday, December 27, 2010

A Little Linda Time Today

For the first time in several weeks, I was able to dress.  It felt so good.

I love my family but they're ALWAYS here.  My wife really dislikes my dressing and my children don't know so it's very difficult to find time.  Today, everyone was gone for a little while so I had a chance to dress.

I almost didn't.  I knew I'd only have about 15 - 20 minutes and I'd have to dig my things out of the back of my closet and would it even be worth it for just a few minutes?.  Once I did, I knew I had made the right decision.  That great relaxed, comfortable feeling came over me and I just felt so good.

I've gained about 40 pounds during the last 30 years so I'm not as slender and semi-passable as I was in my 20s.  However, my legs still look pretty good, especially when I'm wearing high heels.  We have a full length mirror in our bedroom.  It was fun to pose in front of the mirror (and if I kept focusing on my lower half, I looked ok).

It is a little frustrating.  Getting dressed is very nice but I wanted to spend much more time as Linda.  Of course, I would have liked to put on makeup and a wig and go out as Linda.  It's been such a long time since I've been out.  Still, it was great to have a little time.  I missed it so much.  I'm jealous of the girls who can dress several times a week.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Victoria Derhen

Does anyone know what happened to Victoria Derhen?

She was a beautiful, witty crossdresser in New York City.  She had several websites over the years.  She was great fun to read.  Her pictures were gorgeous.  Unfortunately, I haven't seen any posts or pictures from her in several years.

There's a website called http://victoriaderhen.com/ but if you go to the site, the only thing there is a message "this is not the victoria you're looking for..." which sounds exactly like something she would post.

There's a blog called It's Victoria Derhen... really! but no blog - just interests.

Anyway, I always liked what Victoria was doing.  Just wondered if anyone has seen anything new from her.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Magic Pills

I was browsing the forum at crossdressers.com a week or so ago and came across another "magic pill" post. 

These posts ask whether you would take one of two types of magic pills.

Would you take a magic pill that would completely transform you permanently into a woman?

Would you take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress?

I wouldn't want to be a woman permanently.  I enjoy being a man, at least sometimes.  It's also easier at some level.  Now I (and I suspect many crossdressers) would love to have a pill that would allow you to become a woman for 24 hours or a set of pills that would allow you to cross back and forth  It would also help if this pill made you younger, prettier and helped you lose 30 pounds.  Hey, if we're talking imaginary pills, why not have some really great imaginary pills?

My wife has told me that one of the things she hates about my crossdressing is that I have a completely unrealistic view of what being a woman is like.  She says I believe that a woman's life is all pretty clothes and fun. 

I don't know if she really believes that I feel this way.  Crossdressing is such a big issue for us that I believe she looks for reasons why she doesn't like it.

It's true that when I dress, I want to look as nice as I can.  I want to wear pretty dresses and shoes.  I want the experience to be special and want to do things that are fun and exciting or relaxing.

That doesn't mean that I don't know that much of most woman's life consists of routine tasks and the usual stresses that are in anyone's life.  However, one of the things I love about crossdressing is the feeling it gives me of being out of myself, at least for a little while.  I think people enjoy experiences that take them out of their routine (science fiction, romances, a good bottle of wine).  Dressing gives me an escape for a little while. 

If I had to dress / be a woman for an extended period, I know I would tire of it.  Knowing that I can be a woman for a little while and then go back to being regular me gives me a feeling of control.

I'm not explaining this well.  I know someone like Meg at Call Me Meg or Stana at Femulate would do a better job (if they even share this feeling). 

Of course, like most other crossdressers, although I can go "back and forth" I don't have the opportunities and time to be Linda nearly as much as I'd like.

The other "magic pill" question is:  if you could take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress, would you take it?

Reading various forums and blogs over the years, it seems that peoples' answers to this question have been changing.  Some years ago, it seems like most of us would say they would take the pill.  It would make life easier and reduce so many problems, especially with wives and significant others. 

More recently, it seems like more people say they wouldn't take the pill.  They accept and enjoy who they are.  Even if crossdressing presents problems, these respondents say that they wouldn't give up all that dressing up gives them.

For me, I would take the pill.  I think.  Maybe.

Especially when I was growing up, I felt so much guilt about dressing.  I felt isolated and different and knew there was a part of me I could never share with anyone else. 

The relationship between my wife and me would certainly be easier if I didn't feel the need to be Linda from time to time.

So I would take the pill.

Or.

Maybe I wouldn't.

The rational part of me (which usually dominates my thoughts and actions) says that if I didn't need to crossdress, life would be easier.  I would have more time for other things.  I wouldn't feel like I was hiding a part of myself.

But dressing has also given me this way to escape and be someone different for a while.  It gives me permission to try to look pretty (I've never felt comfortable as a man about trying too hard to look good - silly, I know) and to buy things just for myself.

So I don't know about magic pill #2. 

I think my answers (or non-answers) to the magic pill questions are at the heart of what it means to be a crossdresser, at least for me.  I want it both ways.  I want to be a guy but I want to be a beautiful woman, at least sometimes.  I don't want the pain and problems that come with wanting to dress and be a woman but I love the special feelings that dressing up give me.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dress to Impress

Last year, one of the episodes of the BBC series "Moving On" told the story of a young crossdresser.  The episode was called "Dress to Impress."   It was a very sympathetic portrait of the young man. 

The whole episode was formerly available on youtube and the bbc website, but now all you can get (for free) are clips.  You can buy the episode for 1.99 at Amazon.

Here are two clips that are up on youtube.


Dress to Impress - short clip

Dress to Impress - longer clip

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Busy

It's so difficult to find "Linda time."

Between working and family, there's very little time that I have to myself.  I like to spend time with my wife and kids but I just wish there was more time I could spend as Linda.

Of course, everyone is busy.  When we read about someone's adventures out and about, it often seems like it's something they can do every day when really it's probably something they're able to do less than once a month or less special time.

It's a bit easier when you don't have children.  Before children, my wife would be out on her own more and I 'd have a few more opportunities to dress.  Now, I'm seldom at home by myself (I can't remember the last time).  I miss just having time by myself, much less having time to dress.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Another great post at Femulate

Stana hosts a blog called Femulate It's a wonderful blog. Stana is smart and witty and her posts are such fun to read..  She also posts several pictures most days "Femulate Her" (a lovely genetic woman in a beautiful outfit) and "The Femulated" (a lovely tg girl). 

Yesterday's entry included observations from an outreach that Stana did.  It's worth reading the whole entry but here's the part that struck me:


"Someone in each class also asked me if I presented as a women because I was just interested in all the trappings of being female or was it something more than that, something internal. I explained that it was more than just the trappings of being female. I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about. "


Many of us talk about there being a "tg continuum"  I have no doubt that there are many transsexuals who do feel trapped in the body of the wrong gender.  However, that's not the case for many of us.  Something is different and it's difficult to express.  I thought Stana's explanation about being "trapped in expectations" was one of the best ways I've ever heard it expressed.


Thanks, Stana.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

It's The Dress

It's the dress is a fun little blog about the the notion of the “hermeneutic of suspicion” used to describe the range of theoretical positions adopted by Marx, Nietzsche, Freud and their intellectual offspring.

Well, it's mostly about cute cocktail dresses, casual dresses and everything in between but I could have sworn one of the articles last month had a quote about Marx saying he didn't like the bare legged look on women over 40 wearing short dresses.  .

Friday, November 26, 2010

Dresses

Just some dresses I like




















I love the dress Kate Middleton wore when she and William announced their engagement. 

Blogs and spending time online

I started this blog so I'd have a place for links to TG caption blogs.  I know, very ambitious.

What's happened since I started is that I'm now following many other blogs.  They're almost all TG themed but most are not caption blogs.

One of the amazing things about the Internet (other than being able to use IMDB to check who that actress was in the movie you saw the other night) has been the confirmation that there are so many other people like me out there.  People like me being those somewhere on the big, long TG continuum.

I identify as a heterosexual crossdresser.  I've never had an experience with a man and don't expect to.  However, there's something compelling about the idea of being an attractive woman, a woman that men would look at.  I'd love to meet other crossdressers like myself, for friendship, not for anything sexual.

Over the years, I've had a chance to meet several other TG girls.  It's a funny dance when we start corresponding.  The other girl and I are usually very clear that we're looking to meet in a friendly way and not for "something more."  However, we don't want to offend the other girl by implying there's anything wrong with something more, it's just not what we're looking for. 


It's been wonderful meeting people online (and, once in a while, in person).  Growing up, I thought I was the only person like this.  Later on, like many in my age group (I'm in my late 50s), I got most of my information from a few reference books hidden deeply in libraries or TG porn.  I found those stories exciting but I didn't really identify with the people who had the wild adventures described.  I wanted to look pretty and have people think I was pretty and a nice girl.

This entry has turned out to be a big ramble.  I admire people who edit their blog entries before they post them but I'm just going to spill on this one.

Here's the thing:  I love reading about the other girls out there, from those who have completely transitioned and live every day as women to those who crossdress very occasionally.  I feel part of a bigger community.  I'd love to meet and talk with you.  I'd love to be able to show myself instead of staying hidden.

The down side of how great the Net can be is that I know I'm susceptible to getting really sucked in.  I have a job and a family and they require most of my time and attention.  I'm jealous of girls who have retired.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to voluntarily retire and it's just hard to deal with.  I would just love to have more time for my family and for myself.  It's so difficult to find Linda time.

As I've gotten older, I feel more and more like time is running out.   I wish I could be a pretty woman, at least once in a while.  Not that I was ever a great looking woman but in my 20s, I was a least somewhat passable.  I suppose in my 60s and 70s I'll be passable again, but as a little old lady.  I'd rather be passable as a 25 year old.

I don't have a point today.  Just blathering on.  Feeling jealous of those who can explore this other side of themselves.  Wishing I could lay down some of my responsibilities, at least for a while. 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Aubrey Frost

Aubrey Frost is one of the coolest crossdressers I know.  Well, it's not accurate to say I know her.  I followed her on the Net since about 2000.  Like many other girls, I became a Myspace friend.  I sent her a few messages and she was very gracious about responding (despite the fact that I'm sure she received many, many messages from people like me).


Aubrey was smart, funny, thoughtful and kind.  When I first found her blog and pictures, she was a college student.  She wrote about being a crossdresser but also about the other things that were going on in her life.

Aubrey's pictures were great.  She had a lovely face and, like me, her body seemed to be somewhat late in maturing, so she still had a kind of young, girlish quality.  Like many of us, her pictures progressed from simple to more sophisticated.

After a time, she was in a serious relationship with a young woman who accepted Aubrey.  They married and had a child.

Her blog and pictures continued for a while.  Updates became less and less frequent.  I was trying to spend less time on the Net myself and didn't see much about Aubrey for a while.

When I looked for her recently, her blog was gone.  She has a Twitter account that was originally open but is now protected.  Her brief note of explanation says she used to be Aubrey, now she's Just Jo.  She also says she's in transition.


While I'm disappointed that I can't follow her journey, I understand that there are many, many peripheral followers like me out there and Aubrey has every right to live her life in privacy.  I just want to send my best wishes and hope that Aubrey (now Jo) and her family are well.

If I was more skilled, I could also use Jo's story as an object lesson in how the Net has been such a wonderful resource for crossdressers and other transgendered people.  Jo helped other people understand that it was possible to be a happy crossdresser and to have a successful relationship.

Her growth and experience also reflected the growing sophistication of web tools.  She also progressed from early shared websites to myspace and her own aubrey-frost.com website.  Now she's on Twitter.  

I'm sure there are many other people who are big fans of hers.  Here's a nice story from Jessica Who Jessica Who's post about Aubrey  (by the way, I'm also a big fan of Jessica's - check out her blog, too - http://www.jessica-who.com/





Saturday, November 13, 2010

A few caps I like from Tiffany's trapped transvestite blog

(Tiffany's Trapped Transvestite blog is one of my favorite tg caption blogs.

Tiffany posted an entry today saying she's bored with doing caps and will be taking a break.  I wish her well and hope she's back soon.  I've copied a few caps from her site (for more great caps, check out her blog).




















Friday, November 12, 2010

Being Andrissa

If you like TG captions, you should be following Being Andrissa http://beingandrissa.blogspot.com/

Great links to TG caption blogs and other blogs of interest to girls like us.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sparkly Heels

I love shoes.  If you've read any of my other posts, you know that.  Lately, I've become interested in "sparkly" shoes.  Here are some that I think are very cute

Christian Louboutin's glitter pumps  

gold sparkly peep toes by Pura Lopez  

Topshop Sakura heels

Captions

I love reading tg captions.  I appreciate the time and creativity that goes in to creating captions.

My favorite captions are those that are more PG13 or R rated.  It's just a personal preference.  Many of the more explicit captions are fun, too, but the ones I like the most are those that aren't quite as explicit.

I really like hypnosis and mind control caps.  Like many crossdressers, I've felt guilty about my need to dress up.  A long time ago, the fantasy of being hypnotized and "forced" to be a girl became very appealing.  The psychology is pretty basic.  If you're "forced" you still get to be a girl but it's not your fault. 

A few favorites from Emily's TG Captions:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LovewIjwWMo/TJ0xprjoYaI/AAAAAAAAAIE/bMvoN2R18oE/s1600/cap67.png

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LovewIjwWMo/TB_4Uk6dJ4I/AAAAAAAAACs/ilZhfVvRWGo/s1600/cap32.jpg

Friday, October 29, 2010

Missing Our National Holiday

I've had many enjoyable Halloweens.  For someone who loves to dress, but isn't remotely passable, it's a wonderful opportunity to be out in public.  I've always been 99% closeted so to be out and about as Linda is just so liberating. 

One of my favorite Halloweens was several years ago.  I was wearing a nice conservative dress and black pumps, my favorite long curly wig and full makeup.  I drove around to several stores, buying a few things here and there, mostly so I could be out among people as Linda.  I know, not very exciting, but still so nice.

My last stop was a bagel shop (yes, I am one wild person).  There were two young girls working behind the counter.  It was after 6 and I was the only customer.  I checked out the selection, trying to decide what to buy.  When I said, in my regular voice, "I'm ready" the girl closest to me looked at me in shock.

"I thought you were really a lady," she said.  "You look really good."

Now, I'm sure she was mostly being kind.  She had also probably worked a really long day.  After you've waited on many customers, you probably don't look all that carefully when one more typical customer comes in.  In any case, I was thrilled.

She called her co-worker over and told her about me.  They were so, so nice.  They told me I looked very nice and admired my dress and heels.  The first girl said, "You even have boobies" and giggled.

We chatted for a few minutes.  It was wonderful.

I know, I know.  Not an adventure for most people.  Not even close.  But it made me feel great.

I wished I didn't need to get home and change.  I have many commitments (maybe I'll talk about those some day) and had to get back to them.  But for a few hours, it was great to be out as Linda, even if it was just to buy milk and bagels.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Shoes I love

OK, one of the best ways to get updates almost every day about amazing shoes is to subscribe to The Shoe Goddess http://theshoegoddess.com/

It's so nice to get an e-mail with 4 or 5 gorgeous shoes and fun commentary.

Having said that, here are some shoes I love (and would love to own - though I think I'd need to hit the lottery to justify spending this much money on shoes, no matter how cute):


 Stuart Weitzman Platswoon


Christian Louboutin Prive





Calvin Klein Olive (cute and under $100)




Jimmy Choo Aimee



There are lots  more but I think blogger will only let me upload a certain number (or maybe I need to make the pictures smaller).  Any help with ideas?

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Fun Shoe Web Sites

I love shoes!  I'm very jealous of girls who get to buy and wear gorgeous shoes or even those who are comfortable shoe shopping.  I'd love to go shoe shopping with a girl friend at a high end shoe stores.  Or even low end stores.  Just trying on and buying cute shoes sounds like heaven.

Here are a few fun shoe web sites:

http://www.stuartweitzman.com/home/

http://theshoegoddess.com/

http://www.zappos.com/womens-pumps

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hello

I bet no one has ever started their first blog entry with Hello before.

Well, that's me.  Always the rebel.

Actually, I'm about as far from a rebel as I could be.  I've always been the good boy, followed the rules.

However, there's a secret almost no one knows about.  Since I was a little boy, I've been fascinated by women's clothes.  I started wearing my mother's high heels when I was 6 years old.  I didn't know why (still don't) but wearing them just gave me a wonderful feeling.

Of course, I knew it was wrong and tried to quit many, many (many!) times.

It took a long time to get over the guilt.  I'm mostly over it but my dressing is still a secret from almost everyone.

We'll see what happens with this blog.  I mostly set it up so I can follow other girls like myself.  However, I love to write and to talk about myself, so I wouldn't be surprised if I submit the occasional post.