I was browsing the forum at crossdressers.com a week or so ago and came across another "magic pill" post.
These posts ask whether you would take one of two types of magic pills.
Would you take a magic pill that would completely transform you permanently into a woman?
Would you take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress?
I wouldn't want to be a woman permanently. I enjoy being a man, at least sometimes. It's also easier at some level. Now I (and I suspect many crossdressers) would love to have a pill that would allow you to become a woman for 24 hours or a set of pills that would allow you to cross back and forth It would also help if this pill made you younger, prettier and helped you lose 30 pounds. Hey, if we're talking imaginary pills, why not have some really great imaginary pills?
My wife has told me that one of the things she hates about my crossdressing is that I have a completely unrealistic view of what being a woman is like. She says I believe that a woman's life is all pretty clothes and fun.
I don't know if she really believes that I feel this way. Crossdressing is such a big issue for us that I believe she looks for reasons why she doesn't like it.
It's true that when I dress, I want to look as nice as I can. I want to wear pretty dresses and shoes. I want the experience to be special and want to do things that are fun and exciting or relaxing.
That doesn't mean that I don't know that much of most woman's life consists of routine tasks and the usual stresses that are in anyone's life. However, one of the things I love about crossdressing is the feeling it gives me of being out of myself, at least for a little while. I think people enjoy experiences that take them out of their routine (science fiction, romances, a good bottle of wine). Dressing gives me an escape for a little while.
If I had to dress / be a woman for an extended period, I know I would tire of it. Knowing that I can be a woman for a little while and then go back to being regular me gives me a feeling of control.
I'm not explaining this well. I know someone like Meg at Call Me Meg or Stana at Femulate would do a better job (if they even share this feeling).
Of course, like most other crossdressers, although I can go "back and forth" I don't have the opportunities and time to be Linda nearly as much as I'd like.
The other "magic pill" question is: if you could take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress, would you take it?
Reading various forums and blogs over the years, it seems that peoples' answers to this question have been changing. Some years ago, it seems like most of us would say they would take the pill. It would make life easier and reduce so many problems, especially with wives and significant others.
More recently, it seems like more people say they wouldn't take the pill. They accept and enjoy who they are. Even if crossdressing presents problems, these respondents say that they wouldn't give up all that dressing up gives them.
For me, I would take the pill. I think. Maybe.
Especially when I was growing up, I felt so much guilt about dressing. I felt isolated and different and knew there was a part of me I could never share with anyone else.
The relationship between my wife and me would certainly be easier if I didn't feel the need to be Linda from time to time.
So I would take the pill.
Maybe I wouldn't.
The rational part of me (which usually dominates my thoughts and actions) says that if I didn't need to crossdress, life would be easier. I would have more time for other things. I wouldn't feel like I was hiding a part of myself.
But dressing has also given me this way to escape and be someone different for a while. It gives me permission to try to look pretty (I've never felt comfortable as a man about trying too hard to look good - silly, I know) and to buy things just for myself.
So I don't know about magic pill #2.
I think my answers (or non-answers) to the magic pill questions are at the heart of what it means to be a crossdresser, at least for me. I want it both ways. I want to be a guy but I want to be a beautiful woman, at least sometimes. I don't want the pain and problems that come with wanting to dress and be a woman but I love the special feelings that dressing up give me.