Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dry Spell

I haven't posted anything for a while.

I'm going through one of those "dry spell" periods.  That's not really an accurate term, but many of us go through a period where it just seems like the desire to dress isn't there and the whole thing feels kind of silly.

I'm not sure what sets this off.  I was at a wedding recently.  It was great to see all the pretty 20 and 30 something women in their beautiful dresses.   I was envious, as I often am when I see a beautiful woman in a beautiful outfit.

The next day was one of those times when I felt the whole dressing thing was just kind of foolish.  I've never been passable but in my 20s when I was slim, I looked at least presentable as a crossdresser.  Someone, who, with some effort, would not pass as a woman but at least would look like a decent enough crossdresser.  From a distance, I looked ok.

I don't think that's true, now.  I'm older and bigger and heavier. 

I think an important reason why I dress is it gives me the permission to try to make myself pretty.  As a guy, I feel self conscious if I try too hard to look good.  I know that sounds crazy but I've never been comfortable trying to stand out.  I like to fade into the background and watch what's going on rather than be the center of attention.

As Linda, I'm not a party girl, but I am less shy and more willing to experiment with the way I look.  I'm also willing to put in the effort to look pretty.  It's often so difficult to find more than a few minutes.  There are times when it's fun to put on a dress or shoes, but I just never have time to go all out.  Maybe that's just as well because the result would probably not be great.

There are these periods, like now, when it just feels kind of silly.  My crossdressing and my thinking about crossdressing have been difficult for my marriage.  I know my wife wishes it would all go away.  And I know that a part of my resents her for not being more understanding.  If I didn't crossdress or want to crossdress, things would be easier between us.

I've never thought I was a woman trapped in man's body.  I've fantasized occasionally about what it would be like to be a woman but have never had a desire to transition.  I'm a guy who sometimes enjoys his feminine side and who loves the way I feel in a pretty dress and cute shoes.

I'm not going to edit this post.  I'm just kind of dumping things out here, hoping it will help me make sense of my feelings.  

I've been through these dry spells before.  In some ways, they're not so bad as I obsess less about clothing and shoes.   And a dry spell can be ok if there's something exciting or interesting happening in other parts of my life, but that's not what's happening now.  Things are not awful they'rejust kind of blah.  I don't feel like I'm making progress towards any kind of goal.

Anyway, that's what's happening with me.  Maybe when (if) the sun ever comes out in Chicago, I'll feel a bit more enthusiastic about things in general.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


A quick review of shoes I like

Jessica Simpson Jessica
I saw these recently while browsing at DSW.  Very cute and I love the color.  At DSW, they're $59, kind of the top end for me when I buy women's shoes.  Now I do have a nice pair of red pumps already but I just like these so much.  DSW even had these in my size.  For some reason, I didn't buy them, but the DSW is not far and I may change my  mind.

Brian Atwood “Maniac” Metallic Leather Pumps

I subscribe to The Shoe Goddess.  It's a well done site and you get reports (and pictures) of cute shoes almost every day.  The blog's author has very good (and expensive) taste and on a dreary day, it's nice to get that e-mail.

I love these "Maniac" Metallic pumps.  Not really something for the office, but so pretty.  I saw a picture of the adorable Emma Roberts wearing these pumps  She would probably look good in Crocs, but she looks so cute in this picture.

Christian Louboutin Simple Patent Pumps 85

These pumps are so elegant and I love the color.

Brian Atwood “Power” Patent-Leather Pumps

Another great pair of red pumps.  They're gorgeous but at $570, I won't be buying a pair anytime soon.  The Shoe Goddess says

Power is right! Nothing says power like a woman in a sexy red pump, and this Brian Atwood “Power” Patent-Leather Pump is definitely sexy!
I do adore red pumps, but this pump in particular is impressive! The red is the perfect shade. I especially love the 5.5-inch shaped heel. But don’t worry—there is a hidden platform, so hopefully your tootsies won’t hurt!
This is another one of those shoes that you can wear with anything! They will look fabulous with dresses, work attire or even casual outfits! Plus, the price is amazing!

I really like The Shoe Goddess site and I agree that the price is amazing.  We just have slightly different meanings of "amazing"