Monday, December 27, 2010

A Little Linda Time Today

For the first time in several weeks, I was able to dress.  It felt so good.

I love my family but they're ALWAYS here.  My wife really dislikes my dressing and my children don't know so it's very difficult to find time.  Today, everyone was gone for a little while so I had a chance to dress.

I almost didn't.  I knew I'd only have about 15 - 20 minutes and I'd have to dig my things out of the back of my closet and would it even be worth it for just a few minutes?.  Once I did, I knew I had made the right decision.  That great relaxed, comfortable feeling came over me and I just felt so good.

I've gained about 40 pounds during the last 30 years so I'm not as slender and semi-passable as I was in my 20s.  However, my legs still look pretty good, especially when I'm wearing high heels.  We have a full length mirror in our bedroom.  It was fun to pose in front of the mirror (and if I kept focusing on my lower half, I looked ok).

It is a little frustrating.  Getting dressed is very nice but I wanted to spend much more time as Linda.  Of course, I would have liked to put on makeup and a wig and go out as Linda.  It's been such a long time since I've been out.  Still, it was great to have a little time.  I missed it so much.  I'm jealous of the girls who can dress several times a week.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Victoria Derhen

Does anyone know what happened to Victoria Derhen?

She was a beautiful, witty crossdresser in New York City.  She had several websites over the years.  She was great fun to read.  Her pictures were gorgeous.  Unfortunately, I haven't seen any posts or pictures from her in several years.

There's a website called but if you go to the site, the only thing there is a message "this is not the victoria you're looking for..." which sounds exactly like something she would post.

There's a blog called It's Victoria Derhen... really! but no blog - just interests.

Anyway, I always liked what Victoria was doing.  Just wondered if anyone has seen anything new from her.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Magic Pills

I was browsing the forum at a week or so ago and came across another "magic pill" post. 

These posts ask whether you would take one of two types of magic pills.

Would you take a magic pill that would completely transform you permanently into a woman?

Would you take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress?

I wouldn't want to be a woman permanently.  I enjoy being a man, at least sometimes.  It's also easier at some level.  Now I (and I suspect many crossdressers) would love to have a pill that would allow you to become a woman for 24 hours or a set of pills that would allow you to cross back and forth  It would also help if this pill made you younger, prettier and helped you lose 30 pounds.  Hey, if we're talking imaginary pills, why not have some really great imaginary pills?

My wife has told me that one of the things she hates about my crossdressing is that I have a completely unrealistic view of what being a woman is like.  She says I believe that a woman's life is all pretty clothes and fun. 

I don't know if she really believes that I feel this way.  Crossdressing is such a big issue for us that I believe she looks for reasons why she doesn't like it.

It's true that when I dress, I want to look as nice as I can.  I want to wear pretty dresses and shoes.  I want the experience to be special and want to do things that are fun and exciting or relaxing.

That doesn't mean that I don't know that much of most woman's life consists of routine tasks and the usual stresses that are in anyone's life.  However, one of the things I love about crossdressing is the feeling it gives me of being out of myself, at least for a little while.  I think people enjoy experiences that take them out of their routine (science fiction, romances, a good bottle of wine).  Dressing gives me an escape for a little while. 

If I had to dress / be a woman for an extended period, I know I would tire of it.  Knowing that I can be a woman for a little while and then go back to being regular me gives me a feeling of control.

I'm not explaining this well.  I know someone like Meg at Call Me Meg or Stana at Femulate would do a better job (if they even share this feeling). 

Of course, like most other crossdressers, although I can go "back and forth" I don't have the opportunities and time to be Linda nearly as much as I'd like.

The other "magic pill" question is:  if you could take a magic pill that would remove your desire to crossdress, would you take it?

Reading various forums and blogs over the years, it seems that peoples' answers to this question have been changing.  Some years ago, it seems like most of us would say they would take the pill.  It would make life easier and reduce so many problems, especially with wives and significant others. 

More recently, it seems like more people say they wouldn't take the pill.  They accept and enjoy who they are.  Even if crossdressing presents problems, these respondents say that they wouldn't give up all that dressing up gives them.

For me, I would take the pill.  I think.  Maybe.

Especially when I was growing up, I felt so much guilt about dressing.  I felt isolated and different and knew there was a part of me I could never share with anyone else. 

The relationship between my wife and me would certainly be easier if I didn't feel the need to be Linda from time to time.

So I would take the pill.


Maybe I wouldn't.

The rational part of me (which usually dominates my thoughts and actions) says that if I didn't need to crossdress, life would be easier.  I would have more time for other things.  I wouldn't feel like I was hiding a part of myself.

But dressing has also given me this way to escape and be someone different for a while.  It gives me permission to try to look pretty (I've never felt comfortable as a man about trying too hard to look good - silly, I know) and to buy things just for myself.

So I don't know about magic pill #2. 

I think my answers (or non-answers) to the magic pill questions are at the heart of what it means to be a crossdresser, at least for me.  I want it both ways.  I want to be a guy but I want to be a beautiful woman, at least sometimes.  I don't want the pain and problems that come with wanting to dress and be a woman but I love the special feelings that dressing up give me.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dress to Impress

Last year, one of the episodes of the BBC series "Moving On" told the story of a young crossdresser.  The episode was called "Dress to Impress."   It was a very sympathetic portrait of the young man. 

The whole episode was formerly available on youtube and the bbc website, but now all you can get (for free) are clips.  You can buy the episode for 1.99 at Amazon.

Here are two clips that are up on youtube.

Dress to Impress - short clip

Dress to Impress - longer clip

Thursday, December 9, 2010


It's so difficult to find "Linda time."

Between working and family, there's very little time that I have to myself.  I like to spend time with my wife and kids but I just wish there was more time I could spend as Linda.

Of course, everyone is busy.  When we read about someone's adventures out and about, it often seems like it's something they can do every day when really it's probably something they're able to do less than once a month or less special time.

It's a bit easier when you don't have children.  Before children, my wife would be out on her own more and I 'd have a few more opportunities to dress.  Now, I'm seldom at home by myself (I can't remember the last time).  I miss just having time by myself, much less having time to dress.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Another great post at Femulate

Stana hosts a blog called Femulate It's a wonderful blog. Stana is smart and witty and her posts are such fun to read..  She also posts several pictures most days "Femulate Her" (a lovely genetic woman in a beautiful outfit) and "The Femulated" (a lovely tg girl). 

Yesterday's entry included observations from an outreach that Stana did.  It's worth reading the whole entry but here's the part that struck me:

"Someone in each class also asked me if I presented as a women because I was just interested in all the trappings of being female or was it something more than that, something internal. I explained that it was more than just the trappings of being female. I never felt that I was a female trapped in a male body. Instead, I was "me" trapped in the expectations of what being a "male" was all about. "

Many of us talk about there being a "tg continuum"  I have no doubt that there are many transsexuals who do feel trapped in the body of the wrong gender.  However, that's not the case for many of us.  Something is different and it's difficult to express.  I thought Stana's explanation about being "trapped in expectations" was one of the best ways I've ever heard it expressed.

Thanks, Stana.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

It's The Dress

It's the dress is a fun little blog about the the notion of the “hermeneutic of suspicion” used to describe the range of theoretical positions adopted by Marx, Nietzsche, Freud and their intellectual offspring.

Well, it's mostly about cute cocktail dresses, casual dresses and everything in between but I could have sworn one of the articles last month had a quote about Marx saying he didn't like the bare legged look on women over 40 wearing short dresses.  .