Hannah's Blog

I recently began following Hannah's blog.

Hannah is a married crossdresser with a supportive wife.  Hannah's smart and upbeat writing is accompanied by her charming drawings.  Definitely worth following.

Motive and Opportunity

As the 72 people who follow this blog may or may not have noticed, I haven't posted a new entry since last August.

When someone hasn't updated their blog for a while, they usually start with a post announcing they're still around.  I didn't want to do that.  I've mentioned previously that my experience as a crossdresser seems to be so typical, I sometimes feel like I'm a bit of a cliche.  I didn't want to act like one again in a totally expected way.  However, the longer I went without posting, the more I thought it would be difficult not to acknowledge it.

So, I'm still around.

Like committing a crime, two important aspects to maintaining a blog entry are motive and opportunity.   When I've had something I wanted to write, I didn't have the time;  when I had time, I didn't feel like writing something.

Not much has changed.  I'm married to an amazing wonderful woman who hates that I want to express myself as Linda and that I'd love to be with other people like myself occasionally.  I haven't been out in forever.  I miss seeing other girls.

I still struggle with getting older.  The guy side of me doesn't mind too much (except for the usual middle age aches and pains), but my vision of myself as a woman is as someone who's young, beautiful and stylish.  Not that I could ever really pull that off, but the best I can do these days is heavy set, slightly dowdy grandmother. I still enjoy dressing but I would love to be able to see someone prettier when I look in the mirror.

Despite my not posting, I've been following other blogs.  I read Stana's and Meg's blogs every day.  There are others I enjoy, too.  I also want to mention how much I enjoy the comments that Pat Scalesman leaves on others' sites.  Although Pat has never felt the need to create blog entries, Pat's comments are always well written, wise and kind (and often funny).

So now that I've gotten the"I'm back" post out of the way, I may go back to posting the occasional update.   I like having a place for my random thoughts and I appreciate it when a reader acknowledges something I've written and adds a comment.

A little Linda time today

My family was out for a few hours today and I had the house to myself for the first time in months.

I took the opportunity to don my cute little lacy dress and gold sparkly platform pumps.  Felt so good to be dressed (it's probably been a few weeks but seems like forever).  I shaved my legs yesterday and they looked so cute in my dress and heels.

Now this is definitely not a daytime outfit but I don't know when I'll have a chance to wear it at night.  So, I put on a dark t-shirt and shorts over my dress, put my heels in a little bag and walked over to the car.  After a few blocks, I pulled over, took my t-shirt and shorts off and put my heels back on.  Heaven.

I drove around for a little while.  In this outfit and without makeup, there was no way I was going to go anywhere where people could really see me.  Still, I had an urge to get out of the car and go for a walk (partially because it's fun to walk outside and partially because I wanted to see how well I could walk in these 5 inch plus heels).

I found a deserted parking lot with large dark windows.  I got out and walked a bit.  I could see myself reflected in the windows and between the windows poor reflection and my own ability to self-delude, I thought I looked ok.  20 pounds lighter and some shapewear would have made things even better, but I still enjoyed myself.

Wish I could go out tonight in this outfit to one of the t-friendly places in the area (there are now 2 about 5 miles from my house).  Unfortunately, everyone will be back soon so I won't be going out.  It's been a while since I've been out with other girls.  I miss it.

By the way, I did ok with the heels.

Girl Talk

As I was trying to get some work done today, I heard the director I report to talking with another woman on our extended team.

I like our director a lot.  She's very bright, friendly and easy to talk with.  She's only been with our group for a little over 5 weeks and has had to learn a lot about this new area.  She picks things up quickly and consistently has good suggestions for how to improve work product.

I also love the way she dresses.  She's in her late forties and dresses just right for the business casual atmosphere at the office.  Women in management positions have to dress a little nicer than casual in a business casual environment and she hits the look just right.  She usually wears dresses or skirts but her outfits are bright and fun.  She dresses appropriately for her age and position but she seems to have fun with her outfits.  She's in good shape and her outfits highlight that she is but never in an obvious way.

The woman our director was talking to is a very smart and nice woman but someone who I think I would be more like if I were a woman.  A little shy, a tiny bit awkward (not horribly so, just not smooth), a very sweet and smart woman engineer.  She wears mostly skirts and suits and pumps.  Very much the way I would dress.

Today our director is wearing a floral dress that comes to just above her knees,  She's wearing a cream colored blouse and wedge slingbacks in a kind of taupe / lightened coffee color.  She looks just great.

She was complimenting the engineer on her cute shoes, admiring how nice they looked and remarking how the heel wasn't too high so they would be comfortable.

They talked a little bit more about their respective outfits.  I wish I could have joined them.  As a guy, I pretty much have to pretend to be clueless about what women are wearing.  I would love to join in and be able to tell them how nice they look and say how much I admire a certain outfit or accessory.

Instead, I wind up talking about the weather or the White Sox (who are having a surprisingly not awful season, by the way).

I really like being a guy most of the time but it would be nice to live more comfortably in my two worlds.

New Dress

Bought a cute new dress today at Kohl's.  I was very impressed with their selection.  There were loads of cute dresses.  Many of the cutest dresses were for younger girls but there were plenty in every style.

This lace dress is probably designed for someone much younger than me, but I just like it so much.

Of course, I don't look anywhere near as good as the model, but it's such a lovely dress.  The lace is so soft and feminine.  I really like the way I look in it.  I'd like it even better if I lost a few pounds, but that's a goal for another day.

It probably seems silly for me to blog about buying new shoes and a new dress, but it's been a long time since I've bought shoes or dresses.  It's such fun bringing my purchases home and seeing how they look.  This dress works really well with the gold shoes I bought yesterday.  I just need an excuse (and opportunity) to meet up with other girls for a nice dinner and a few drinks.

I love this look

I love the way this girl looks. 

All the pieces of her outfit work together so well and it's just such a fun look.

Today was one of those days --- from Thrill of the Heel

New Shoes!

I love shoes, especially high heels and it's been a long time since I treated myself to a new pair.

I went to Payless the other day.  It was fun just to see what they had in stock in my size.  One of the great things about Payless is that most stores have a good selection in larger sizes (I take an 11).

I found several shoes I really liked but decided not to buy them.  I already have plenty of shoes and don't have many chances to wear them.  I liked the shoes but buying them just didn't make sense.

The next day, I found myself wishing that I had bought the shoes.  I didn't need the shoes, but I did want them.

So, back to the store again.  Found the two pairs I had seen the day before.  I just scooped them up.

When I went to pay, the sales associate commented that the shoes were very nice and said she thought the color of one pair was really cute.

Couldn't wait to get home and try them on.  I love the way they look and feel.  Here are pictures of my new heels.

If I were a woman in my 50s, I most likely would not have bought these shoes.  They're silly, not practical, not suitable for a woman of my age...

However, one of the consolations of being a crossdresser is I get to buy and wear cute, impractical shoes like these.  Now, if I can just find some time to wear them with some cute outfits...